Jennifer Lopez: "Shh! Mama's talkin'!" Go, girl! Plus, she can still rock a plunging neckline like it's 2000.
Rumer Willis looks pretty good. Elegant, even. Did she get that chin fixed?
S. Epatha Merkerson hawking pens? That's just sad. Just three years ago she was on the show itself, winning for Lackawana Blues—wha' happened?
Angelina and Brad look even waxier than usual. Creepy.
It can't have been lost on Robert Downey Jr. that, against the odds, he survived and Heath Leger didn't… and look who gets the award.
Who smacked Renee Zellweger in the face and dragged her through a bush backwards before sending her up on that stage?
Ooh, Kate Winslet won for Best Supporting Actress. Guess that means she's not getting the Best Actress award. Well, at least she's broken her losing streak.
Both Tom Wilkinson and Terrence Howard have trouble spitting out Paul Giamatti's name—what's up with that? Too foreign for them?
Gerard Butler's thick Glaswegian accent requires some serious lip and tongue gymnastics, and they've clearly taken a toll: He totally talks out of one side of his face. Not hot.
What is going on with Keifer Sutherland's ears? They look like they've melted.
Ricky Gervais and his beer—LOVE! Say what you like about the Brits, they know how to enjoy the
free booze. Why can't everyone go up there hoisting a drink? Should be
mandatory.
Paul Giamatti really needs to win more often. What a gracious, humble, heartfelt speech.
Entourage = Over. About time!
That Sally Hawkins is pale and scary-skinny and wipes her nose a lot. Just sayin'.
Tracy Morgan has really teeny-weeny hands. Ever noticed that?
Tina Fey: "Good gravy!" Who says that? I want to say enough already with the Tina Fey worship, but then she goes and makes that goofy speech, and I have to love her.
Danny Boyle comeback—woo! Though, someone needs to get him some product—his hair's way too thin to pull off that random tousled look (see Colin Farrell).
Speaking of Colin Farrell—welcome back, cutie!
Drew Barrymore is channeling Marilyn Monroe in her later years, when she was starting to look pretty messed up. Oh well, it's a look.
Oh Emma Thompson, so jolly hockeysticks. Nice organza housecoat, btw.
Sacha Baron Cohen's bad standup routine, does he think he's at the Comedy Store? Funny how Gervais pulls it off but Cohen, I don't know, something dark and nasty follows that guy into a room.
Hey, Mark Wahlberg: bitter much?
Well blow me down, I was wrong about Winslet! "Oh God, who's the other one?" HA! Only Angelina Jolie and Anne Hathaway, but never mind! Also: How cute are Kate and Leo with each other?
Mickey Rourke: Oh my lord, he fell up the stairs! Meryl Streep had to get out her glasses to have a good look at his Wildensteinian mask-face, holy hell. He's doing well, until he says "motherfuckers", which was too much for a mere bleep, it literally sent the screen to black for a second or two. I thought my DVR had cut the show short. Uh-oh, he's thanking his dogs. Bring up the music, stat!
Slumdog Millionaire! Don't you love a good upset?
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