Saying New York Is Over: Over.

Another day, another facile New York Times Styles trend piece. Sadly, Eric Konigsberg's eloquent piss-take of the perma-craze known as absinthe did not herald a new day and a more discerning voice for Times trend reporting.

Written by Alex Williams—whose sole purpose seems to be tarting up obvious old tropes with a few fresh quotes from random twentysometings, usually delivered by "e-mail message" (see the one about how nobody keeps their New Year's resolutions, or the one about how conspicuous consumption is out of fashion, or the one about how it's dangerous to email when drunk, or dozens more like 'em)—now tries to recycle the classic chestnut that New York is over. What with all the layoffs in New York–centric industries like finance and real estate and publishing and advertising and all, New York ain't what it used to be.

There is probably some truth in this, and indeed, Williams begins to build the argument by stringing  together a few factoids and a bunch of unrelated quotes, like one from some guy who claims that Sixth and 55th was deserted on a recent Tuesday morning, and some girl who proclaims that "there is a sense that the thrill of paying $20 for a cocktail is over," and some other guy who says the city is “definitely shedding whatever New York was a few years ago”… whatever that was.

But then, after several more corroborations regarding shuttered Broadway shows and storefronts and constructions sites, comes this: "Can a city be considered 'over,' like Pete Doherty?" Okay, first of all: Pete Doherty? What's he got to do with anything? (A) He's not a New Yorker; he hasn't even visited lately; and (B) he's not over—just because he's not big in America, where he's not allowed in thanks to all those crack convictions, doesn't mean he's over.* Why not "over like Rudy Guiliani" or "over like Sarah Jessica Parker's marriage," or "over like saying 'saa-weeet!'", or, for that matter, "over like absinthe"?

Clearly Williams is grasping here, perhaps trying to best Konigsberg's clever allegorical mélange a couple of weeks earlier:

"If absinthe were a band, it would be Interpol, third-hand piffle masquerading as transgressive pop culture. If absinthe were sneakers, it would be a pair of laceless Chuck Taylors designed by John Varvatos for Converse. If it were facial hair, it would be the soul patch. If absinthe were a finish on kitchen and bath fixtures, it would be brushed nickel."

Over like Pete Doherty. Not even close.

But perhaps the most irritating of all is how with that sentence, Williams then turns the argument around on a dime. Is New York over? Nah! People are always saying that! You know, fictional people, like Kristen Johnson on Sex and the City that time, like, five years ago. Oh, and Joan Didion,way back in 1967. Who, by the way, still lives here. So you know that 1,000 words I just used up making the case that New York is over? All bullshit! Hah-hah!

And this is what these NYT trend pieces always do. Posit the question, string together a load of quotes that support the case, and then zap the reader with a bunch of "on the other hand" scenarios. Don't stick with the courage of your convictions or anything like that, NYT writers. Go ahead: Be wishy-washy!

photo courtesy of Jeremiah's Vanishing New York. And let's have a moment of silence for Love Saves the Day, which may just be a throwback to another era but you know what? It was a really great era to be in NYC.

* I'm sorry but that really struck a nerve: I happen to be a huge fan, and I'm pissed off that I can't watch the new documentary 24 Hours With Pete Doherty showing this week on UK's MTV.