I'm a Celeb was up against both So You Think You Can Dance and the NBA playoffs last night. How do you think it did? Yep, pulverized. So, anyway, we pick up where we left off—with the Great Granola Bar Mystery. The wrapper is found, outside the confessional. The Bully Baldwins do what they do best—asking Janice questions about it and muttering over and over again, really fast, “where’s-the-granola-bar? where’s-the-granola-bar?” and cracking up laughing, right in her face. She glowers and grimaces and scowls as hard as she can and avoids eye contact at all costs. It's taking quite a toll of J-Dick’s looks—she’s looking 65 today. Then Daniel shoots her a look that would turn a rabid Grizzly bear’s blood to ice and says, quiet seriously, “You’re dead to me.” Oh. This is not funny anymore; if anyone looked at me that way, I’d age instantly too.
We get a bug-bite montage next, with a night-clip of Long Tall Salley manically swatting some kind of prehistoric winged creature from his face. The camp is given bug patches and tubs of what looks like calomine paste. The guys' backs are covered in a Milky Way's worth of white dots.
Food trial! It’s a shopping challenge. Sanji and Holly step up because, you know, if there’s one skill this hre young generation has mastered, it’s shopping. They’ve got to push a bamboo trolley across a cable and pick off big pieces of fake food. Sanji, who sprints across as if he was born on a tightrope, kills it. There really is nothing this wood nymph can’t do.
Back at camp, J-Dick is regaling the group with every detail of her career, all 85 years of it. “Is it time for Janice’s meds?” Meanie Daniel Baldwin asides. Apparently the game they’re playing now is “What was your career-defining moment?” Holly shares that it was when her sister Heidi invited her to L.A. after her step-brother was killed in Iraq. Actually, that’s sad. She cries, and everyone wells up with her.
Patti dashes from the group, because it’s making her think about her husband’s career-defining moment, which is probably going to land him in the hoosegow. She hides in the confessional to have a good cry. J-Dick is waiting for her at the door when she comes out, all ready to console her, but Patti cuts her off. “I’ve just composed myself, I don’t want to hear it.” J-Dick is stunned. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.” It’s a pretty raw and deeply uncomfortable moment. Talk about “let’s get real.”
There’s a silly segment about a potential romance blossoming between Holly and Sanji. The whole camp and even the hosts are rubbing their hands about it. Now wait a minute. Is it just me, or is Sanji unmistakably…. a wood nymph? Next: some of the campmates get to Skype home. Sniffle, sniffle, boring, next?
We’re live, time for the elimination. Holly, who’s been on the show for two seconds, is safe. Ben Silverman must have been working those phones. Torrie’s climbed up from the bottom; she’s safe. Cut back in time to last night’s dinner: Everybody except Janice sits around the campfire telling each other what they love most about them; tears and bonding, family talk, next?
Back to eliminations. Sanji is safe (he was right!), and so are Stevie B. and, shocker, Janice, who screeches, “Are yewewww kidddinngggg meeeee?” Patti, Long Tall and Big Bad Meanie Daniel are in the bottom. I’m convinced it’s going to be Patti. But no! It’s Daniel. He takes his dog-eared black-and-white family photo and says his goodbyes. J-Dick steals his last live-on-air moments by rasping in the background, “Say no to Prop 8! Say no to Prop 8! Perez can you hear me?” No teary goodbyes to Daniel from her. In fact, no goodbye at all. Can't blame her.
Coming up: the contestants compete in the Tunnel of Terror and to demonstrate how scary it will be, a tarantula attacks the camera. We’re told in advance that Janice will be exempt for medical reasons. Again? Are her health concerns mental or physical? Tune in for the next two-hour-long episode on Monday and maybe you’ll find out. But you probably won’t.
UPDATE: It was reported on the Huffington Post today that Stevie B.'s home in Rockland County, N.Y., has been foreclosed and is up for auction. Whoa. I wonder if that will come up around the camp fire.
photos courtesy of NBC
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