Dancing With the Stars, Season 11: Week 10. Don't Shoot the TV, Bristol's in the House

It's the big finale, and it's been quite a week for Tea Party favorite Bristol Palin, what with the death threats and the Facebook war over her sister Willow's homophobic slur and the man who shot up his tee-vee because she got into the final three. But here she is, bravely stepping forward to face the haters. Even braver: her choice of outfit. Bristol's wearing tight-to-snapping sparkly spandex with a frilly skirt and her skin is a rare shade of orange: She looks like a plump Nathan's Famous Frank about to explode.

 
Tonight's episode feels like filler because it's the Results Show that really counts, and really, everything is so out of whack by this point it hardly matters. Each couple has two dances tonight—a Redemption dance, in which they get to redo a style that didn't go so well for them before, and a Freestyle, in which they get to do anything they want.

Kyle and Lacey's Redemption dance is the foxtrot, they do a really lovely dance, Kyle hits all his marks and his lines and he is graceful and confident, and he gets all 9s. Then Bristol comes out to do the jive, wearing shoes that look like sequinned hospital slippers, stiff and awkward and barely lifting her heavy legs. And she gets all 9s. What, pray, is the point?

So, whatever. Jennifer Grey gets all 10s for both dances, so scores a perfect 60; Kyle gets a total of 56; and Bristol 52.

For the first time all season I decided to vote, so I dialed Kyle's number. I got a message saying that I had already reached my quota. I tried again. This time, I was told I'd already passed the deadline for my time zone. It was 10pm/PT. All time zones are supposed to have three hours' grace period to vote. Twitter was aflame with complaints from people who were getting the same messages and who also couldn't cast their votes online. So damn, it will be interesting to see how the voting goes tonight. Stay tuned.

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