This morning I came across this clip of serial procreator and longtime creep Mel Gibson talking about his eighth kid last night on Leno. He jokingly calls himself "Octomel" and starts mocking Octomom's unnaturally swollen lips.
Excuse me, but let's take a little look at Mel's new girlfriend, Osanka Something-Beginning-With-a-G. Can you tell which one's which?
I'm really glad the weather's getting better and the sun is shining and all that. But not so psyched about some of the unfortunate sartorial sights: stocky, hirsute jocks in baggy khaki cargo shorts and flip-flops, gaggles of girls sporting identical tunic-and-leggings ensembles or shorty-shorty-short-shorts. And smock tops galore--it has never been so challenging to play the "Fat or Pregnant?" game.
But perhaps the worst offense has to be the resurgence of the Ray-Ban Wayfarer. They are ev-ery-where. Naturally all the self-appointed Hollywood Hipsters kicked it off, no doubt thinking they're all super-cool and cutting edge.
I'm sorry, when I see the Ray-Ban Wayfarer, everyone just looks like this.
I love Martha Stewart for this. Now that we've finally broken 70 degrees, summer fashion faux pas are here! This year it's especially appalling, with the micro-mini and short-shorts trends being embraced by many who have no business even thinking about them. For in a town that prides itself on being a world-class style capital, New York is teeming with walking fashion disasters. Rules need to be laid down. And Martha has done it.
What does it say about women in the workplace that such a screed is even necessary? Perhaps that we've gotten a little too comfortable in the office place? Whatever it is, personally, I've seen one too many crusty bra straps and pasty thigh expanses at the conference table and have been subjected to so much obnoxious thik-thok thik-thok thik-thoking as a clueless flip-flop princesses flap up and down corridors, I have actually contemplated murder. So you tell 'em, Martha. Bitches need guidance.
Herewith, the email:
How to Wear: Jeans
Save ripped, stained, bleached, whiskered, or otherwise overly
distressed denim for the weekend. Ditto for any styles that sit so low
that they reveal flashes of your midsection when you reach up to grab a
book, or your bottom when you bend down to grab your bag. Sometimes,
wearing a longer top can be the solution. But the basic rule is, no
peeks of skin between the top of your jeans and the bottom of your
shirt. Pair jeans with a nice shirt and shoes (not a T-shirt and
sneakers).
How to Wear: Sundresses
Many summer skirts and dresses are made
from gauzy material, so make sure the fabric's not see-through (don't
forget the back view). Coworkers should never be aware of what
color/cut of undergarments you are wearing. Wear a cardigan over a
dress that's strapless or low-cut. Bra straps should never be visible.
Putting on leggings does not make a super-short hemline any more
appropriate. Keep hems somewhere right above the knee, or lower.
How to Wear: Sandals
Feet should be clean, well-groomed, and generally presentable. If you
aren't sure what this means, stick to closed-toe footwear. Flip-flops
can be worn in a fashionable way, but the rubber kind--generally
associated with the beach, the pool, and the dorm shower--should be
saved for the weekend.
How to Wear: Tank Tops
Those tight, ribbed cotton tanks are usually better as layering items
than as stand-alone tops. Bra straps should never be visible. Wear a
cardigan over a strapless top.
How to Wear: Shorts
Capris and "city shorts" (the type that reach the knee) are fine,
especially when paired with nice flats or heels. Short-shorts, cargo
shorts, board shorts, and pretty much any other kind of shorts, are not.
