I’m Not a Cat Lady

Wintour Wonderland

Here's a clip from The September Issue, RJ Cutler's new documentary about Vogue. Notice how absolutely  knackered and soul-destroyed poor accessories editor Elissa Santisi looks when Anna Wintour surveys her layout and declares, icily, "So it's all pinks." Hear how she stammers out the following feeble reply when Anna asks whether it is "the most important message" for the issue: "I thought it was pretty." See what a sad empty husk this woman appears to have been reduced to.

Ooh, I can't wait to see this.

via jezebel.

FrankenLove

For about a week, photos of Courtney Love parading around in a bikini have been showing up on celebrity gossip blogs every day. Each time, she's seen wearing a different bikini and behaving like someone who knows damn well her every move is being captured on film. She knows what she's doing, she wants those  photos out there. I guess she wants everyone to see how much she has slimmed down; what she must not realize is that in the process of losing a few extra pounds, she now has a stomach that seems to be imitating Keith Richards' face.

 
images via Snarky Gossip, Egotastic, TMZ

images via Celebrity Babylon and TMZ

That last photo looks like it might be doctored, but still.

Is poor Courtney so deranged that she doesn't realize we all know what a liposuctioned tummy looks like by now? Honey, wake up: Tara Reid told us all about it.

Dancing With the Heather Pt II

Say it isn't so! Heather Mills might be forced to bow out early from Dancing With the Stars due to a sore pelvis. Ahem. Read all about it here. (While you're there, click on the link to Heather on Tyra Banks: She crunks. Or tries. And tells a gross story about her leg flying off at a disco. God love 'er.)

Dancing With the Heather

I admit it, I'm watching Dancing With the Stars, and I must say I find something deeply disturbing about Heather Mills. She's just creepy, with her gaunt, wonky face—which, unnervingly, slopes downwards to the left, the same side as her fake leg—and her skinny 13-year-old’s frame somehow supporting her big "glamour model" tits. Her smile looks spectacularly forced, like an afterthought, and the tombstone teeth don't help, either. Maybe they're the cause of her mangled accent? Which also sounds fake, like she's dumbing it down to seem even more humble. And her determination to get her dancing right is just so, I don't know, aggressive. Maybe she should have been cast in Grindhouse instead of Rose MacGowan.

I might be completely wrong about her, of course: Perhaps I've been swayed by the negative reports that trail her every move like bad gas. But I don’t like her and I don’t want to have to look at her, even though I totally can’t help it and kind of enjoy hating to watch her and getting all worked up into a lather about it.

I’m also loving how the British press is cataloguing her every move on the show and quoting the most negative comments from abc.com’s message boards, suggesting they're all negative. Which they're not.   And the British readers, without even having seen the program, are screeching “She’s not a star!” and insisting that her Disabled Parking Badge be revoked: “She is making a mockery of the system designed to help people with genuine disabilities that affect mobility!” bellowed Peter, Bishops Stortford, Herts., no doubt shaking a virtual fist as he typed.

I’m kind of hoping she’s the first to go tonight, yet also hoping she stays just to see how pissed off the Brits get about it and to get all worked up about it myself. Call me crazy, you won't be the first.

UPDATE: She's back next week. Boo! Yay?

illustration by Blue Aerial Bergen